5 Harmful Misconceptions About Social Anxiety Disorder

In the last year, Social Anxiety Disorder (or SAD) has affected approximately 7% of the US population.  It will affect about 12% of people in the US at some point in their lifetime (both of these statistics are according to the National Institute of Mental Health).  This means that, as of this writing, approximately 23 million individuals in the US are struggling with this painful problem! 

And yet, there is a lot of misunderstanding around what Social Anxiety Disorder actually is and what getting better looks like.  Unfortunately, these misconceptions can end up harming those with social anxiety, as they can minimize these individuals’ struggle or make it more difficult to get proper treatment.  Read on to learn more.

Social Anxiety Disorder - Who You Are Is Enough

What does Social Anxiety Disorder look like?

Most people with Social Anxiety Disorder are anxious about the possibility of being judged negatively.  The uncertainty related to not knowing what others are thinking about you can feel unbearable. 

Social anxiety triggers a “false alarm” of the Fight, Flight, or Freeze response.  If you have Social Anxiety Disorder, your brain has re-labelled social situations as dangerous.  This means that your brain responds to social situations in the same way it would respond to a truly dangerous situation, such as running into a bear in the woods.

When our brain responds to danger, it triggers all kinds of physiological changes in the body that are meant to keep us safe.  For instance, it speeds up our hear rate and our breathing rate in order to increase oxygen in our blood and make it easier for us to run away or fight back against danger.  Another common reaction is known as the “freeze” response, where our brain tells us that the safest course of action is no action at all.

All of these changes can make individuals with social anxiety feel like too much is coming at them at once.  As their brain shifts into survival mode, it can make it especially difficult to think or reason in the moment, leading to a disconnect between the “logic” of the situation and how the person actually feels. 

Historically, our species has survived by sticking together, making it especially important for individuals to “fit in” and get along with others.  In the case of social anxiety, this ancient need to not be ostracized feels like a very real and immediate danger.  This can lead to a debilitating cycle of anxiety triggers, difficult emotions, uncomfortable physical symptoms, and intrusive worries followed by avoidance and safety behaviors. 

Social anxiety triggers might look like:

  • Being in public places
  • Making small talk
  • Meeting new people
  • Conflict situations
  • Being the center of attention
  • Eating or drinking in front of others
  • Performing or speaking in front of others

Social anxiety worries might sound like:

  • What if they don’t like me?
  • What if I sound stupid?
  • What if I make a fool of myself?
  • What if I trip or drop something?
  • What if I look super nervous?
  • What if they can see my cheeks turning red?

Emotions related to social anxiety might include:

  • Fear
  • Overwhelm
  • Anger
  • Sadness
  • Guilt
  • Embarrassment
  • Shame
  • Panic

Physical symptoms of social anxiety might feel like:

  • Rapid heart rate
  • Increased breathing rate
  • Excessive sweating
  • Shakiness or trembling
  • Nausea or upset stomach
  • Flushing/blushing
  • Headaches
  • Muscle tension

Understandably, most individuals with anxiety will do whatever they can to either avoid their triggers altogether or minimize the discomfort that they experience in response to their anxiety triggers.  Actions taken in the moment to try to reduce the discomfort caused by anxiety triggers are called “safety behaviors.” 

Common social anxiety safety behaviors include:

  • Avoiding eye contact
  • Fidgeting
  • Acting overly friendly
  • Smiling or laughing excessively
  • Speaking very quietly or rapidly
  • Distracting with a phone or other item
  • Planning out conversations ahead of time
  • Rehashing past situations, analyzing how you might have come across or what others might have thought of you

In the short term, these kinds of safety behaviors can provide relief from the social anxiety.  However, in the long-term safety behaviors can reinforce the fear related to social situations and keep you stuck in your cycle of anxiety.

Common Misconceptions about Social Anxiety Disorder

1. People with Social Anxiety Disorder just don’t want to be social

While every person is different, most individuals with Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) would really like to be more social.  Unfortunately, their anxiety gets in the way.  The fear of judgement and the physical and mental symptoms of anxiety can become so overwhelming that even the smallest social interaction can feel impossible.

That being said, social anxiety does not typically interfere with relationships with close family members or already established friends.  Many individuals with social anxiety have close friends that they enjoy spending time with, and anxiety does not interfere with these interactions.

2. People with Social Anxiety Disorder are just extra shy

While shyness and social anxiety have some qualities in common, the biggest difference is a matter of degree.  Individuals who are shy might feel somewhat nervous or uncomfortable around others.  On the other hand, individuals with Social Anxiety Disorder find that their anxiety and discomfort are incapacitating or immobilizing. 

Individuals who are shy might be somewhat hesitant to talk to new people or go into new social situations, but they are typically able to do so when they would like to.  Those with SAD may find that their anxiety prevents them from engaging in many different kinds of social situations.  Some examples might include:

  • Making small talk
  • Asking for help
  • Setting boundaries with others
  • Talking on the phone
  • Attending social gatherings
  • Asking someone on a date
  • Giving presentations at school or work 

Individuals who are shy may find these circumstances uncomfortable, but they are able to engage in these situations when necessary.

3. People with Social Anxiety Disorder are really just introverted

While both folks with social anxiety and individuals with introversion may not look forward to major upcoming social interactions, it is for very different reasons.  Individuals who are introverted tend to enjoy their alone time and find that extended social interactions drain their mental energy.  They may feel the need to “recharge” after a party or social gathering.  However, that doesn’t mean that they don’t sometimes enjoy these social interactions and want to be social under certain circumstances or for limited periods of time.

On the other hand, individuals with social anxiety may be naturally introverted or extroverted underneath their social anxiety.  However, this tends to take a back seat to the overwhelming difficulty of dealing with the social anxiety.

4. You can get over your social anxiety if you just try harder

Working thought anxiety is hard work and the journey will look a little bit different for everyone.  Often times, well meaning loved ones will push their friend or family member to just “get over” their anxiety or “push through,” thinking that this will somehow “cure” them of their social anxiety.  This might look like a caring parent sending their teen to every birthday party in hopes that this will alleviate the problem or a concerned friend dragging their friend along to every get together hoping this will help “fix” the individual’s social anxiety.

Unfortunately, this usually leads to the individual with social anxiety “white knuckling” their way through the experience and doing everything they can to avoid or minimize their social interactions while they are in the situation.  In more extreme cases, it can even lead the person to have a panic attack.  This might be the equivalent of throwing someone who is trying to learn how to swim into the deep end of the pool with the expectation that this will help them learn faster.

Social Anxiety - I don't have a nervous system. I am a nervous system.

5. If you work through your social anxiety, then you will become extroverted

As mentioned before, both introverted and extroverted individuals can struggle with social anxiety.  This means that even if you are able to overcome your social anxiety, it will not change who you are as a person underneath your anxiety.  If you were naturally extroverted, then you may go back to being a “social butterfly” once your anxiety is no longer in control.  On the other hand, if you were naturally introverted, then you will still be an introvert even if you are no longer triggered by social situations.

How do you know if you have Social Anxiety Disorder?

If you find that you have extreme anxiety around the possibility of being judged or socially humiliated, then you may have social anxiety.  If you find that anxiety is getting in the way of being able to go to unfamiliar places, interact with new people, make new friends, or complete social tasks at school or work, then it’s possible that you have social anxiety.  Check out this screening tool to learn more.

What causes Social Anxiety Disorder?

Social anxiety is usually caused by a combination of factors, both genetic and environmental.  You may have a genetic predisposition to anxiety, meaning that you inherit a greater likelihood to struggle with anxiety from your biological parents.  In addition to this, how you learn to deal with difficult feelings—either from your parents/caregivers or through your own experience—can affect whether anxiety gets better or worse.  For instance, if you learn to avoid anything that feels uncomfortable, then this can make your anxiety worse over time.  Negative experiences, such as bullying, can also aggravate social anxiety.

Common problems related to Social Anxiety Disorder

Individuals with social anxiety often struggle with other related problems.  These might include:

  • Depression
    • Individuals with social anxiety can experience depression related to feeling trapped in their anxiety or that they are missing out on important experiences.
  • Panic attacks
    • Anxiety related to social situations can escalate to the point where the fear can snowball into panic.  See the article How to Survive a Panic Attack for more information on panic.
  • Substance use
    • Many people will use alcohol (or other substances) to self-medicate or as “liquid courage” to help reduce their anxiety in social situations.  This can lead to drinking more frequently or in greater quantities than initially intended.

What does Social Anxiety Disorder treatment look like?

In most cases, it is helpful to work on any kind of anxiety gradually.  For instance, you might start by practicing saying “Hi” to the clerk at the grocery store or ordering your own coffee.  One important aspect of this is making sure that when engaging in this exercise you resist engaging in any safety behaviors (actions that are intended to minimize anxiety)—for instance, avoiding eye contact or talking so quietly the other person can’t really hear you. 

Once this type of interaction becomes easier, you can move on to more challenging interactions, such as saying “no” to a request or asking someone new if they would like to hang out. The formal name for this type of treatment is Exposure and Response Prevention, meaning that you gradually expose yourself to your anxiety triggers while preventing your usual response of avoidance or engaging in safety behaviors.

Social Anxiety - Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais Nin

I hope that this article has brought some clarity around what Social Anxiety Disorder is and what it is not. The good news is that with time and effort, Social Anxiety Disorder can get better!


As a reminder, this blog post is not intended as professional counseling or clinical advice. This article is meant to help bring greater understanding around Social Anxiety Disorder and its treatment. However, I encourage you to consider seeking help in person if you need additional support.

Kristel Roper LMFT

-Kristel Roper, LMFT, LPCC

Kristel Roper is a licensed psychotherapist offering counseling services to individuals in the Sacramento area.  She specializes in anxiety counseling and especially enjoys working with young adults as they navigate the challenges of college, career, and beyond.  Learn more about Kristel Roper’s Counseling Services.